I think I'll start the Fundamental School for New Dad's.The New Dad's daily schedule and curriculum of classes will look something like this:
8:00am: Speed Diaper Changing 101
8:30am: Coffee Break (and call home to see how your wife is doing).
8:45am: "Goo Goo, Ga Ga" -Basic Communication Skills
9:00am: How to Power Nap
9:15am: Power Nap Practice Session
10:00am: Coffee Break (and call home again).
11:00am: Exercising with Your Baby (former title; Basic Rough Housing)
11:30am: Sports, Fighting and Aggressive Posturing
12:00: Lunch (and call home again).
12:30pm: Daddy Fundamentals -
Compassion and Respect for the In Laws
Goofy Faces and Other Stress Relievers
1:30pm: How to say, "Yes Dear" (like you mean it) with practice time.
2:30pm: Baby Culture Sessions:
Stroller Etiquette - Tricks for Going Uphill and Downhill
Pacifier Sharing - Learning How to Spot the Sucker.
Ketchup for All Seasons - The Perfect Food Group
Vegetables are Our Friends - Mr. Broccoli and 'Here Comes the Airplane!"
Professor the Messer - a symposium on baby food flinging techniques
3:00pm: 'Drool, Pee and Poop' - Bodily Fluids and Their Hidden Dangers
3:30pm: How to Shop for Groceries
A Guide to Searching the Entire Store for One Lousy Item
4:00pm: Homework Assignment, Evening Prayer and Dismissal...then call home...again.
5:00pm: Drive home to begin the evening shift but bring a coffee for the road to stay awake.
Posts
