The Rule of Reciprocity

"There is an obligation to give, an obligation to recieve, and an obligation to repay." Quote from the French anthropologist, Marcel Mauss.

The Rule of Reciprocity is well described in the book, 'Influence, the Psychology of Persuasion' by Dr. Robert Cialdini. In his book, Dr. Cialdini describes, "the reality of internal discomfort and the possibility of external shame" which is brought about when a favor or kindness is extended by one person or group toward another and this act then, creates a feeling of obligation in the recieving person or group. This feeling of obligation offers sales people a great opportunity to sow the seeds of guilt within a potential client or customer causing them to sometimes buy an item or service that they might have otherwise passed by. Dr. Cialdini describes the fund raising techniques of the Hare Krishna cult members as being a textbook example of an application of the rule of reciprocity. A cult member insists on giving a passer by a flower as a "gift" and then asks for a small "donation". The unwilling flower recipient feels such guilt at accepting the flower that they take out their wallet and give to help themselves to feel better about the "gift".

My wife and daughters lived in the Caribbean in 2003 for seven months on a tiny island while my wife was completing her Ph.D fieldwork in anthropology. She told me how reciprocity is so ingrained in the culture of the islanders that it seems to actually contribute to poverty and limit an individuals ability to improve his or her economic situation. I learned that if one of the island inhabitants were to experience an economic windfall and were to come into some money or to recieve a gift, their neighbors and friends would come by and demand their share of this money. The recipient of the money, gift or property would be made to feel so guilty that they would end up giving their gift away and remain just as poor as they were before. Meanwhile, the prize that had been divided up had been reduced to such small amounts of capital and spread so far among the local population that no one person could ever recieve any real benefit. The community benefitted a little for the short term but the individual lost all to the rule of reciprocity and never had anything to show for it. Everyone remained poor on the island. The selfish and the independent islanders who ignored the cries for reciprocity and used the money they made to develop businesses and industry ultimately helped their neighbors in a more meaningful way.

In his book, Dr. Cialdini instructs his readers how to say "no" to a sales pitch or to a guilt laden request. He asks the readers to look past the obvious guilt and blame and to see the request for what it really is. "Perhaps we can avoid a confrontation with the rule by refusing to allow the requester to commission its force against us in the first place. Accept the desirable first offers of others but accept those offers only for what they fundamentally are, not for what they are represented to be. We should look to participate fairly in the 'honored network of obligation'. As long as we percieve and define the rule of reciprocation being enacted as a compliance tactic instead of a favor, we no longer are obligated".

Incidentally, the Salvation Army volunteer outside the supermarket is not invoking the rule of reciprocity. That person ringing the bell in the snow is asking for a donation for a poor family so get out your wallet and be generous this Christmas.