"If you are looking for perfect safety, you will do well to sit on a fence and watch the birds."Wilbur Wright, 1901
Someday I'm going to get me an ultralight airplane. I really wanted at least a Citation jet like Lance Armstrong and Sheryl Crow rented to go on vacation to France once but that seems a little out of range at this stage in my life. Besides, I'm getting a little older and have to think about my future. This is why an ultralight plane would be perfect. It's cheap, almost anyone can fly one (so I hear) and even if you crash, you are usually on a grassy field going only about 23 miles an hour.
I've got my retirement all planned out. When I'm about 78 years old I'll sell our Toyota Prius for about a million dollars, my wife and I will move to Arizona (where it's warm) and we will both get ultralight planes and raise sheep. Then we can wake up every morning and strap into our planes and buzz the sheep (you know...to give 'em some exercise). Then after a few hours of sheep buzzing we will land somewhere and have a picnic lunch on the high desert and meet up with all of our friends who have their own ultralight planes and play a pick up game of basketball. Then the whole lot of us will get into our planes and fly to a nearby lake and go swimming. After this we will find a place to camp out and start a really big bonfire and have loads of laughs just like all those people do in the Michelob commercials (except we will be 78 years old). There will be just me and my wife with about 200 of our close personal friends. Our kids will be busy with their kids and taking care of their multi million dollar mansions and flying their own ultralights. They keep wanting to borrow our sheep but we think they should get their own. Besides our sheep are tired out!
The next morning we will fly over the football stadium of the Arizona Cardinals in our ultralights and yell down to the team as they practice. Now that we live in Arizona, we don't expect them to win much but they need encouragement. Then some of our friends will have to go home and take their medication and have a nap but not me and my wife! We will be leaving our ultralights at the airport and hopping onto a private jet that belongs to our close personal friend, Jimmy Buffet and going off to a private island in the Caribbean for a huge tequila party with all the NFL cheerleaders and a few retired Academy Award Winners and Nobel Prize recipients. Then once the jet takes off, Jimmy will lean over across the aisle and ask me if I would do him a big favor and accept his Citation jet as a gift because he has three other planes. I would say, "Well..." then I would give my wife in the next seat a high five and accept his gift with the condition that we could come to his private island any time we wanted. Of course Jimmy would say "yes" and then invite me to play onstage with him at his next concert in Jamaica. My wife could be my roadie and back up singer and would wear a grass skirt with a fruity hat (so she would fit in with the locals).By that time I'm 78 in our world, there will be peace on earth and there will be no poor people, prisons, pets being put to sleep or children in hospitals or pollution. And, best of all medical science will have come up with a pill that allows you to live forever at whatever age you choose.
I just love Christmas time.
I think I'll have my new Citation jet painted fire engine red.
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