Lonely Tony, the Hub Cap King

Tony the lonely, misunderstood guinea fowl staked out his home territory in our neighbors driveway and defended his new home with malice and extreme prejudice. He was a tough and spiteful guinea fowl who had probably been driven from his flock and had to move to the wrong side of the tracks. He loved to look at his reflection in the shiny metal tire hub caps of the car in the driveway and seemed to think that this image represented his own personal gang. Tony strutted up and down the driveway day and night watching over his 'gang' whose reflections peered back out at him from their hub cap roosting perches within the car tires of our neighbor's Subaru.

If he were a human, Tony would probably be one of those tough hoods from movies like West Side Story or Grease who smoked cigarettes and combed gel into their hairs to make a duck tail in the back (except on him it would'nt be called a 'duck' tail). Tony was tough like The Fonze and by being fearless, ferocious and a pretty fast runner he generated respect and admiration for guinea fowl everywhere. If he were a human, Tony would love his mother, would pick on his little brother, Joey and get to second base with his girlfriend, Karen every Saturday night at the drive in movies.

Tony loved picking fights with other hub caps and when cars came down our street he would dart out of his driveway and run alongside a car staring down the hub cap of the passing car until he had chased it away. The reflection in the moving hub cap would always appear to be running away from him so Tony always successfully defended his turf and his imaginary gang of buddies back at the Subaru in his home driveway.

One day, Tony was gone. Some say he just had to go a-wanderin' that the old neighborhood just got too small for him. Some folks said he finally fell beneath the wheel of a moving car from a rival driveway. There are those who say he just up and flew away up to that big hub cap heaven in the sky.

I say Tony just got tired of doing all the work, running down car hub caps and defending his gang and went to stake out another neighborhood to take over and find a few chicks.

Get it?......Chicks!