When William Butler Yeats got married in 1917, his father wrote him a warm letter of congratulations. "No one really knows human nature, men as well as women who have not lived in marriage, the enforced study of a fellow creature."Quoted from; Mistakes Were Made (but not by me), Tavris and Aronson
When someone I met recently called off an imminent wedding, I asked him why. He replied that it was because his fiance had expressed distain for something that he considered fundamental to his identity and feelings of self worth. Sociologists have pointed out in studies of couples that the expression of distain and disrespect is one of the surest ways to spot a troubled relationship. When one partner rolls their eyes or blows out their cheeks, looks at the ceiling or otherwise shows that they do not respect the views of their partner, these are telltale signs that the pair should find others to build relationships with that can be based on mutual respect.
One of the older couples I know arrive at my office hand in hand. Married for probably fifty years, the most striking thing about them is the fact that they will listen eagerly and respectfully to each other. She will sit in rapture and listen to an account of a war story that happened in World War II as though she is listening to it for the first time. Even I know the stories because this pleasant man tells them to me so often. When he starts to tell the same story I always glance over at his wife and witness true love and respect in her demeanor. Each time the old war story starts she is transported. There she sits with wide eyes, clinging to her purse, hanging on his every word and when the story is over she relaxes and nods appreciatively. The memory has been retold once more for posterity and all is right with the world.
When you are looking for a new partner, keep an eye out for when her eyes start to roll. Just to be sure she is the right person for you I recommend telling the same story every day at least once to see how she reacts. If she shows you she is bored and thinks you are an dern'ed fool then get rid of her and find another one. Who knows how she'll react if you are fortunate enough to grow old together.
Websters Dictionary def.
cognitive dissonance : psychological conflict resulting from incongruous beliefs and attitudes held simultaneously
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